Marion's Blog

You probably all know that famous little statue of the three monkeys - one covering his (her??) eyes, one covering his mouth and the other his ears... the symbolism stands for "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" ofcourse but just this week it struck me again that it could easily be interpreted in a very different way.

Watching the process unfold around the Illinois Governor Bagojevich, who seemingly tried to take money for the seat he had been granted in government as well as some other irregularities, I sat wondering how people can possibly believe with such vigour that they are completely in the right, when all evidence points to the contrary. It is a common fact which police have struggled with for many years and that I strongly believe to be true - every single person has his or her own version of the truth. When police question four witnesses about the same incident that they were all closely involved with - they will get four totally different stories. The criminal was wearing a bomber jacket, dark blue and a straight coat, light blue and a jeans jacket all at the same time, and a pair of black trousers, golf trousers oh no they were red....all of these statements claimed with absolute certainty by the witnesses. How the criminal could possibly get away whilst looking like such a clown remains a total mystery!

The same happens in business - and you had better be very conscious of it. You walk into a meeting with more then just YOU in it - and you can bet your bottom dollar that everyone willl walk out with their own version of what was discussed and agreed. This is true even for written communication - even though you'd really think that that was impossible. When you send a note to someone, their brain may pick up very different elements then those that you intended them to take note of. Some of this is preconditioning - some words may simply mean something different depending on which culture you are from, or some prior experience that triggers subconscious reactions to the words or language used... hence also the eternal issue with email, where due to the shorter message, the risk of being misunderstood is much higher. And ofcourse, a lot of people simply read badly - they scan whatever you sent instead of really reading it and therefore have jumped to (wrong) conclusions even long before the end of the letter/email/video message.

Often you hear after a meeting, or when a complaint comes in "But I never said that". You probably didn't... but the perception may have been different, or it may have been tone of voice that led someone to come to a different conclusion. Words are powerful, and they are very much open to interpretation by the individual. Knowing that people read badly, listen sloppily to what you say, interpret by their own experiences and remember only a minimal percentage would seem to make clear communication impossible, right? But thank goodness there are things you can do to help yourself. Being aware is the first of these - knowing that everyone will hear something different when you speak, read something different when you write and remember based on their own truth - you can cater for that. Repeat the most important points multiple times during your message - whatever format it is in. End with a clear conclusion, capturing again the essential points AND what you'd like to see happen next. Follow up regularly, repeating again what it was that was essential and have people repeat back to you whether they are in agreement with what you all think was agreed.... And ofcourse, on the reverse side of the coin - make sure that you do pay attention to what is said, observe with clarity and read carefully.

I know - it sounds like a lot of extra work - but trust me, it will utlimately save you even more time and energy. The monkeys can serve as a reminder of understanding people's behaviour in not seeing what you are seeing, not hearing what you said and not speaking the same language... and hopefully as a reminder NOT to become one of them!